A man decided to leave work early and go drinking. He stayed at the bar until it closed and by then, he was very drunk. When he got home, he didn't want to wake up his wife, so he removed his shoes and started to tiptoe up the stairs.
Halfway up the stairs, he fell backwards and landed flat on his butt. That wouldn't have been so bad, but he had a couple of empty bottles in his back pocket which broke and carved up his buttocks pretty badly. He was so drunk though, that he didn't even realize he was hurt.
He made it up the stairs and into the bathroom, where he began to undress. Suddenly noticing some blood, he checked himself out in the mirror. Sure enough,
he saw that his behind was cut up something awful. He repaired the damage as best he could, under the circumstances, and went to bed.
When he woke up in the morning, his head was hurting, his backside was hurting, and he was cowering under the covers, trying to think up a good story.
Just then, his wife entered the room and said, "Well, it looks like you really tied one on last night. Where were you?"
"I worked late, dear," he replied, meekly, "and went out for a couple of beer."
"A couple of beer? That's a good one," she snapped. "You got plastered! Where did you go?"
"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?" he asked.
"Well," she replied, "my first clue was when I got up this morning and saw all the band-aids stuck to the mirror....."