Two notorious drunks are sitting at the bar. one is crying. the other asks what's wrong. the crying drunk says, "i've puked all over myself again and my wife's gonna kill me. what do i do pal?"
The one drunk offers this advice: "explain to your wife that some other drunk puked on you. put a ten spot in your shirt pocket and tell her that the drunk was sorry and gave you ten bucks to have your clothes cleaned."
"Sound like a great idea," says the crying drunk.
When he gets home, sure enough his wife is fuming and begins yelling at him about his clothes and how disgusting he is.
The drunk starts spinning the lie and says, "look for you, there's ten bucks in my pocket."
His wife looks in the pocket and finds twenty dollars. "wait a minute, i thought you said the guy gave you ten bucks for puking on you," says the wife.
"He did," say the drunk, "but he s*** in my pants too!"